My best friend died and I don't know if I'll ever be able to play again

Heavy post warning.I've thought about writing this for a few days now. I guess putting it out there just makes it too real and I don't know if I'm ready for it to be yet.I met my best friend playing World of Warcraft 10 years ago this year. And we connected instantly, in a way that just feels like a piece of a puzzle snapping into place. Like that last little piece you needed to fix the picture that wasn't quit right yet. It was so weird, because I'd never gotten close to anyone so quickly before. But man. He and I, it was like we truly knew each other and we'd only just met.It started out just hanging out in Azeroth, questing and shooting the shit for hours. We became a duo in our guild. If one did something, it was just known the other was coming along.Then we got to know each other out of the game. Over the 10 years we got each other through births and deaths and divorces. New relationships. Illnesses. Holidays. Snow days. Boring old Wednesdays. Days when you're almost too busy to get a clear thought in your mind. We were there for it all. For 10 years. 10 years.We loved each other. Even though in all the years, we were nothing more than friends. But at the same time more. Deeper.Out of everyone in my life, he was the one person who had been there longer than anyone else. And vice versa. I told him countless times that he was the one person who I never had any doubts about in my life.But on January 6th of this year, he took himself from me. I knew he struggled with depression but he never let anyone see just how bad it was. And I feel so guilty for not seeing it. He was the person who joked and smiled with everyone. Not the person who would have done something like this.And I still can't make myself believe that it's real. That we aren't ever going to talk or play or make plans again. It's just so unfair. An impossible nightmare and the pain is unbearable sometimes and it feels like it could swallow me whole.The friendships and relationships that some of us have built playing World of Warcraft are so strong and so solid. More real than the casual acquaintances that we pass by every day. So when we lose one of our own, it's not just a simple thing to get over. I can't log in anymore. I don't know how to. There are tons of people playing. But it feels empty now.